“Regret”
–An Allegory–
What is this thing inside me that’s always nagging at me when I do something it doesn’t like. It’s almost like there is someone other than me living in me. It’s sort of like when I was a child. When mama would see me doing something that she said was not the thing to do, she would say, “Don’t do that”. That was the first warning. If I did it again, I might get a second one, but not a third. The first time the warnings were over, something happened that I least expected. “I love you but”, whap, “don’t do that ever again”. This whap thing came roaring from somewhere, I don’t know where, no, that can’t be my mamma. I thought a bear, or a dog had bitten me. I mean it came roaring out of the darkness so fast I didn’t see it coming. I think this, “don’t do that again” and this invisible beast that had attacked me was connected somehow. When I stopped scooting across the floor I looked around and the only thing I saw was mama, where’d that beast go? I took a double take at mama and saw something on her face that I had never seen before. Kind of resembled a cross between a bear and a dog. No, not my mama, no! Now, before, mama always had a sweet smile on her face when she looked at me. I never saw this look before. After a bit, her old sweet smile came back, then she told me that she did that because she loved me. I was confused. What, how can that be! Then she said something that really didn’t make any sense, “Apologize” she said. No I thought. She said it again. After a couple of apologies, her face started to change, sort of resembled that cross between a bear and a dog again, not completely but kind of. It wasn’t quite there yet. Then I heard someone say, I’m sorry. Surely that didn’t come from me. The combination of scooting across the floor and pain in my rear, made it just, jump out. She wiped the tears away and told me she loves me. She smiled like my mama always did and loved on me. That other person inside of me seemed to smile and didn’t nag at me anymore. I had a few more of those experiences before I grew up and left home, but that another person inside me followed everywhere I went.
I once met a guy named Regret, he followed me around for many years. I kind of think he was somehow a-kin to that other person inside of me. They sure acted like each other. I ran the bars drinking and looking for something or someone to talk to. Regret was never around when I went out but he always seemed to show up the next day. He was not a very pleasant fellow, sort of a do-good-err you know. He didn’t like doing the things that I liked to do. I wished he would just find another friend and leave me alone. It was like I couldn’t do without him. Anyway, he was the only friend I had, you know. He wasn’t like my mother though. He would always tell me what I did wrong, but he never whapped me. Just his hanging around was punishment enough.
Well many years passed, Regret became worn out with the load of my running around and asked some of his friends to help him out. Soon my house was so full of Regrets that I couldn’t even go to the bathroom without a regret following me. I couldn’t find any place to hide and be alone. Regret started even going to the bars with me. I would leave one bar, go to another and another one of his friends would be there waiting on me.
It seemed like the only friend I had, became my worst enemy. It was like I was carrying the weight of all his friends on my back. I soon buckled under the weight and fell. I didn’t even want to get up, go to work, or anything. I had no energy. The sky seemed to take on a gray look. I didn’t want to see anyone or go anywhere. Tears would just start running down my cheeks but mama wasn’t there to wipe them away with her sweet smile. I felt like hundreds of bears and dogs had been biting on me for years and the only friends I had left was Regrets.
One day while sitting on the floor with my only friends, I heard someone come in the door. He was dressed in fine clothes with a great smile, a fine-looking man. He said as he walked near. “May I be of help sir?” My only friends seemed to be offended at his presence. A roar arose from them. I said, “What is your name sir? “Why” he said, “My name is Dr. Sewer-Side and I have come to take you to a place where there are no friends like these. “You will never be pestered with Regret and his friends ever again”. “And where would that be kind sir” I asked? “Why to a wonderful place I am sure you have never heard of but, Regret will not be there”. “But where” I asked? “A wonderful place where you can do anything you want without any regrets, any at all, “it’s the great city called Hades of course”. Let me think, I thought, let me think, didn’t mama tell me something about some place called that, yes, yes, she did and she never wanted me to go there. Hell, and Hades, it’s a place full of regrets and no return. Great fear rose in me. I jumped up and ran as fast as I could with Regret and all his friends close behind. I ran from anyone that even resembled Dr. Sewer-Side. They looked pretty but had a smell of rotted meat about them.
I soon noticed something about a few other people, some didn’t have a single Regret following them around. Why was that? I thought everyone had those kinds of friends. Then I remembered Mama, I don’t ever remember seeing any of her friends named Regret, why was that? Then I remembered something Mama used to tell me. She said Jesus had no regrets hanging around Him and if He was my friend that I wouldn’t have any either. From that day on, I started looking for Him. But it seemed the harder I looked the more I couldn’t find Him.
One day while looking for Him in a bar, a man told me that he knew a man that could tell me where to go to find Jesus. It was a long journey and at times I didn’t think I would make it I was so worn out and weak. When I got to their house, they welcomed me in, but said my friends would have to wait outside. That kind of scared me for they had been with me so long. And if Jesus wasn’t there or wasn’t a real person I wouldn’t have any friends anymore. But He was there, His presence filled the house. When I saw Him, I knew in my knower that He would accept me as His friend. Tears began to run down my face, He came over and wiped them away, smiled like my mother use to, but even more sweetly. He didn’t whap me a single time for all the terrible things I had done. He said that He forgave me and that I had been whapped enough already. I felt a great load lift off my back. When I left that house, Regret and all his friends were gone. I couldn’t even tell them thanks for sticking with me until I met Jesus. From that day until this, if I do something wrong and I see Regret coming, I ask Jesus to forgive me and Regret “Lights a shuck” out of here. Even today when I go past a bar, I will see Regret and all his friends waiting outside for someone to come out and follow home. By the way, I also met that other person in me. He said his name was Mr. Conscience and he was the one that took me to find Jesus.
David McClary
Avoicefromthemountain.com
